Most people make “identity” way too complicated.
But it’s simple, if you’re willing to look at it honestly.
Breaking it Down
Your identity is a two-part equation:
How you see yourself.
How others perceive you.
The tension between the two is where all the questioning happens.
And when you lose connection with either, you drift into confusion and get lost in one of these two buckets.
Two Common Buckets:
The External Trap: Losing Inner Connection
You begin people-pleasing, perform an identity, or feel numb on the inside.
The Internal Spiral: Losing External Connection
You go too deep, spiritualize every moment, and become hard to understand.
One Cure (for Both)
Here’s a way forward if you’re stuck in either:
Think less about how you're perceived.
Less about asking deeper questions.
And more about what you can produce or provide.
In short, get your hands dirty.
Write. Build. Teach. Create. Serve.
Because identity is often found by doing more and getting lost in the doing.
Just like Gandhi said:
Another Lens
Here’s another way to see it:
Your identity is what you choose to respond to (inner connection).
And only then is it shaped by how you respond (external perception).
Also, one more lens if you’re curious:
Your identity isn’t meant to be defined.
It’s fluid—like water.
People may try to fit you into their own definitions. But those are unreliable—because true identity isn't something that fits.
Your identity is who you become when you’re in motion.
And neither you nor society needs to define it.
If you’re feeling lost in yourself, you’re probably surrounded by definitions. And avoiding them may very well cure you.